So that just happened in my house, which, yes, does happen in my house. So my kid just hit, let's say, his older sister. So let's even stay with the hitting example. And it seems to stem from this one overarching idea about having connection or establishing connection first. And in covering and helping treat a wide range of parenting troubles, everything from food pickiness to sibling rivalry to lying or even aggressive tantrums, there's another foundational idea that you really focus on. HU: That is a huge foundational idea and an important framing. Guilty this morning, OK? And so, really, the idea of good inside - it's a strategy because as soon as we think about that mindset, we can see the identity of our kid as separate from a descriptor of a behavior, which I agree is far from ideal. KENNEDY: Is something wrong with me? And we all know. And then we look at our kid and really go into, what is wrong with my kid? Do I have a cold-hearted kid? Do I have kids who are never going to get along? Why is my kid hitting his sister, OK? Versus, when I don't operate from that foundation, it's just really easy to put frustration and anger and judgment in the driver's seat. And when we are basing our mindset in the idea that my kid is good inside, then I can really activate curiosity. It frequently allows us to have a gap between what we know, let's say, about my 3-year-old son - looks like he's good inside - and his behavior. And while I think a lot of us can say, oh, OK, that makes sense, or I believe that's true, where I think it's really, really powerful is when we consider the difference between identity, who someone is, and behavior, what someone does. And it's really the idea that people are inherently good inside. KENNEDY: So good inside to me is in some ways, like, a very simple idea. Let's start with what this idea of good inside means to you. That's the core to Becky Kennedy's philosophy.Īll right. HU: Connection - connecting with your kids first, nurturing that connection and repairing connection when needed. And when she herself was giving that kind of advice to her patients in private practice, she realized that the notion of disconnecting with kids when they struggled felt really off to her.īECKY KENNEDY: I actually don't think timeouts are effective for anyone, right? I think leading with connection isn't soft, OK? It's simply effective. Like many of us, she heard all the parenting guidance that includes consequences and timeouts, where kids are sent away when they're distressed. Becky to her fans - knows a thing or two about this. Clinical psychologist Becky Kennedy - or Dr. We want to help them develop and grow into resilient, confident adults.

I'm Elise Hu with a very LIFE KIT conversation.

Maybe its ok if im not ok